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Scene 5 – Planet Frammenwhanger - Desert
Deep in the veldt, an elite regiment of VIMP “Panzer Picas” (earless rabbits from South America – South American Nazi émigrés!) swarm forwards on the backs of tanks – the VIMP banner flying and looking terribly polished and aggressive.
An efficient Panzer Pica tank crewman reports to the commander in a neighbouring tank.
Radio jingle (musical notes) One twenty-two! Fascism raaaadio!
Pica crewman 1 Panzer Picas entering sector four, Senjor. No enemy reseestance!
Pica Captain Prima! I don’t see what command was so concerned about, Ramon! At thees rate, soon we shall have thees whole sector under our heels!
A scout on the ground suddenly holds up a hand, looking cautious. Everyone freezes in fright.
The Scout is suddenly pressed against a tree bole, gripped with fear.
The Picas nervously probe forwards, weapons quaking in their hands.
We see the Tank Vixen’s tank, broken down with its hood up. Sonya and Firen have their heads under the bonnet and their arses – in cut offs – pointing at the Picas.
So nicely oil-smeared and innocent, Sonya and Firen look up from their broken-down tank. They are wearing tank tops (stretched to the breaking point) and cut off jeans – oil smears and tousled hair.
Sonya perches her glasses on the edge of her nose, looking so sweaty and sultry... (ooh! Evil cow! Back – back, I say! Erk – my heart!) A Pica explodes!
In a panic, the Pica Captain turns around. His men join him.
Pica Captain Don’t meet their eyes!
- Think of home! - Think of mother!
SFX Blam – squeeeeeeeee!
Pica Captain OK – don’t think of her like THAT!
The Picas can now only see Sona and Firen’s shadows on the sand. Picas clutch their groins – unable to take it.
Firen You won’t help us fix our engine? That’s so mean!
Just think – two slim, blonde girls caught out in all this heat. Their thin tank tops slowly soaking through with sweat. Their bodies chafing at the restriction of their tight, hot, drum-taut little shorts…
Pica 1 C-can’t…. fight it!
Pica 2 There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home…!
Standing before the Picas, Firen does a stretch, pouring water from an evian bottle all down her cleavage.
The Pica Captain quakes. Sonya and Firen hold each other, pouty – looking a little chastened. Heads hanging.
Pica captain You can’t fool us! I read your dossier! You-you’re both gay!
Sonya (sighs) Yes. Monogamous, committed.
But sometimes…
Pica Captain (hopeful) Sometimes?
Close up of Sonya, play-acting a little blush of shame and arousal.
The Pica’s begin to explode, feint, flee, or have out-of-body experiences. Dozens and dozens of the pathetic little bastards collapse and fall
Gedda, dressed in panties and a tank top, crawls out from under the engine of their tank, oil smeared and sweaty. Karin is under the tank as well, reading a magazine. Gedda is irritably pulling her panties out of the crack of her arse.
A busted hydraulic line spurts gooey white fluid all over Gedda’s tank top and panties. Pica’s have heart attacks as they watch.
Gedda strips off, doing a lovely ‘lift’ as she takes off her tank top. Picas fall in their dozens.
Sheltering in a half track full of terrified, cringing Picas who are all trying to hide, the Pica Scout radios for help. A beer cooler is beside him.
Gedda stands naked over the terrified Picas in the half track, giving them all a prize upward view.
Gedda gets a long necked beer bottle – cap still on (“Sputnik larger – for that great potato taste!”)
Gedda obviously opens the bottle by ‘other means’ OC. Show the Picas – who watch – having heart attacks.
GEDDA SFX Foont!
Pop!
Fizzzzzzzzz!
Gedda stalks off, drinking happily. The Picas all seem to have died in spot. One Pica has the bottle cap. Sonya and Firen watch Gedda go, deeply impressed.
Pica with bottle cap H-hey amigos. I won a CD…
Firen Damn that’s impressive.
Sonya You should see her open jars of peanut butter…
Only the Pica Captain is left. He has a trembling gun pointed at Sonya and Firen, who stand there slinky and unconcerned. The Pica Captain is weaving on his feet.
Pica Captain H-hands up! So, Vixens! You – you theenk you have gotten the better of us! But no! I, Capitain Zanos, are made of stronger…
Anni comes out from behind the tank in a wet wet WET tee shirt, full of well meaning happiness and totally devoid of brain cells.
Anni Hi-eeeee!
Pica Captain Erk!
Nice full shot of Anni, wet tee shirt, posing beside the wet, freshly washed tank. Anni is helpful, sweet, concerned and dumb as a post.
Sonya and Firen inspect the Pica Captain He has crumbled like a busted jigsaw puzzle.
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